TC used to be a hot piece for a little person & now he’s just a little piece with a lot of money & a case of the crazy. He recently gave us this little gem to try & convince peeps that he’s normal. It backfired.

“I have no iPhone, no mobile, no email address, no watch, no jewelery, no wallet,” he explains. “I simply want to be with my children and make movies.”

Bitch is lying! He has those things just like you & I! Only difference is he has people to tend to them, like his bodyguard Katie “ Kate The Skate”.

He She wears his jewelry, lingerie, & heels for him! She has universal time fed to her head through her satellite ears at all times. They also serve as his iPhone, mobile, & email service! When you see him “whispering” in her ear, he’s actually getting his messages, making a phone call, & seeing what time it is – trust. As for the wallet, of course he doesn’t carry a wallet, he’s got a man purse that Kate carries for him as well! Gosh…………..

The aliens are sucking the hot outta Becks! He needs to get away from L.A. stat! Here he is with the Crazy Cruises at a premier last night looking like a young Mr. Rogers. Moon Boobs was not able to join them. Hopefully she was somewhere taking singing lessons!

Tom Cruise is out promoting some movie that women that are not past menopause won’t watch because the Scientologists sucked the hot out of him. Here’s what he had to say to Entertainment Tonight, or ET as he likes to call it. Haha.

“I’d like to find a love story. I’ve always wanted to [direct]. I’ve been offered things to direct, but have to find the right piece like Brokeback Mountain II .”

As for his family, things couldn’t get better. Tom, 45, and Katie Holmes are coming up on their first wedding anniversary, on Nov. 18, and still can’t stop gushing about his 28-year-old wife.

“I feel lucky. I have a lot of respect for her as an artist, as a woman,” he says. “She’s a very strong, gracious woman. She’s very funny, a great comedian.”

Yeah, The only thing funny about Katie Holmes is her wardrobe & her funky ears. She can use those things as satellites to track Xenu .

Since Katie resumed her acting career, the couple has had to juggle their schedules and time with Suri, 18 months. So how do they do it?

“You make it work,” Tom says. “We’ve gotten pretty good at organizing everything. I don’t sleep much anyway.”

Aliens don’t need sleep.

She looking more possessed than ever & is it just me or does it look like she’s had some injections? Well she should’ve had her boobies injected too if she wanted to wear that dress so bad. They look like they’ve fallen & they can’t get up!

People is reporting that Tom Cruise wants to keep David Beckham ‘company’ during the off season.

He said, “We will go out and fly some airplanes or race some cars or something like that. I’ll talk to Victoria and see if she’s all right with that. But we’ll have some fun.”

This can’t happen & we need to figure out a way to stop it! Tom is going to suck the hot out of Becks & replace it with cold alien blood just like he did to Katie! Next he’ll be announcing that Becks new name is Dave & not David!